Our Father's Dust
by M. D. Jensen
Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through a series of drabbles. Everyone features.
1. Team

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_1_

_"For by the heart the children sit/ Cold in that atmosphere of death,/_

_And scarce endure to draw the breath,/ or like to noiseless phantom's flit;"_

_*_

They're discussing where to go for drinks when JJ enters the room, face pale. "Get Hotch and Garcia in here," she says quietly; Rossi and Morgan disappear briefly and return with the final members of the team. Six sets on eyes turn on the trembling blonde and wait for her words. This wasn't a case. No case could faze her like this anymore.

"I just got off the phone with Gideon's son," JJ announces. The look on her face answers their questions before they can ask them. "Gideon passed away last night."

No one says anything. No one tries to.


	2. Team II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_2_

"_But open converse there is none,/ So much the vital spirits sink/_

_To see the vacant chair, and think,/ 'How good! how kind! and he is gone.'"_

_*_

"What did he die of?" Morgan asks finally. JJ sighs. It's a question she can answer.

"The hospital says it looked like an aneurism."

"He was alone when it happened?"

JJ nods. "Stephen says that the people in the next room heard him fall and went to check on him. He was already gone."

"Room?" Morgan repeats. "He was in a motel? Where?"

"Lansing," JJ says quietly.

"What was he doing in Michigan?" Reid wondered. No one answered.

"He never went home, did he?" Hotch asked quietly. "Since he left us, he didn't once see Stephen."

JJ shook her head.


	3. Reid

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_3_

"_But, for the unquiet heart and brain,/ A use in measured language lies;/_

_The sad mechanic exercise,/ Like dull narcotics, numbing pain."_

_*_

Reid does what he's supposed to do: goes home in a daze and pulls Gideon's old letter from his desk. Reads it, though he knows it by heart. Takes a shower; tries to sleep but gets drunk instead; ends the night vomiting in the kitchen trashcan, unable to make it to the bathroom. Shows up hungover in the morning and renews his stomach's anger with too-hot, too-bitter coffee.

But there's no pain beyond the physical, beyond the headache and the nausea. Reid is a good boy, and he's going through the motions.

Where it counts, though? He's nothing but numb.


	4. Rossi

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_4_

"_I care not in these fading days/ To raise a cry that lasts not long,/_

_And round thee with the breeze of song/ To stir a little dust of praise"_

_*_

The wine slips quietly into the river, carried off, its crimson color lost at once.

"That's for you, Jason," Dave says quietly, and then fills his own glass and lifts it in a toast. The wind replies gently, brushing his hair back. Dave smiles.

"_Cin cin_." He sips it slowly. It's sweeter than he expected.

The café's lights twinkle gently on the river's surface. It's classier than the joints they'd once liked to frequent together. "A Catholic and a Jew walk into a bar," Dave murmurs, remembering Jason's penchant for jokes of that format. He laughs.

"Soon enough, old friend."


	5. Hotch

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 5_

"_A hand that can be clasp'd no more--/ Behold me, for I cannot sleep,/_

_And like a guilty thing I creep/ At earliest morning to the door."_

_*_

Aaron wonders how this would've worked three years ago. He thinks of how Haley's embrace would have felt as she quieted his tears.

Aaron wonders how it would've worked last year, when he still would have been able to telephone Haley. She'd always been unnecessarily kind; despite everything, she'd still have let him talk.

But Gideon died when Aaron had nothing to his name. After the rest of his life had already disintegrated. There was no one to comfort him now.

It hadn't seemed like he'd had anything more left to give. But destiny was clever. It had found something.

*End note: this format of story is very conducive to requests, so send them in if you got 'em! :)


	6. Morgan

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_6_

"_Oh last regret, regret can die!/ No-- mixt with all this mystic frame,/_

_Her deep relations are the same/ But with long use her tears are dry."_

_*_

The funeral is halfway over before Morgan finally understands that she's not coming. He thinks, with listless anger, of the voicemail he'd left her yesterday:

"Elle? It's Derek Morgan. Look, I hate saying this on your voicemail, but you aren't picking up. Gideon died yesterday. They think it was an aneurism. The funeral's tomorrow, so if you wanna be there… I hope you listen to this in time. Call me if you wanna know any more. Honestly, we don't know much, but… I wanted to let you know. So maybe I'll see you tomorrow. It's been a while. G'night, Elle."

*Keep those requests coming! All three taken so far will be filled. (PS: this is not a request chapter....)


	7. Reid and Prentiss

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 7_

"_Seraphic intellect and force/ To seize and throw the doubts of man;/_

_Impassion'd logic, which outran/ The hearer in its fiery course;"_

_*_

"I feel like I should try to make myself believe it was murder," Reid muses quietly. He's standing at the map, pushpins in his hand. Prentiss blinks.

"These _are_ murders."

"No. Gideon," Reid clarifies. "I feel like I should try to disprove the coroner's report. Find phony clues that he was actually killed. It'd be something to do."

"Lemme get this straight: you _wish_ you were deeper in denial?"

"Yeah, I guess." Reid sighs, returns to the map.

Prentiss stares at the back of his head. "Do you wanna hug, or something?"

"No, that's alright."

So she leaves him alone.


	8. JJ and Will

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 8_

_ "So runs my dream: but what am I?/ An infant crying in the night:/_

_ An infant crying for the light:/ And with no language but a cry."_

*

JJ pulls Will to their bed wordlessly; his arms encircle her as she begins to cries.

"I love you," she murmurs.

"I love you, darlin'. Talk t'me."

But there's nothing to say, nothing to articulate, so she nestles her head under his chin and occupies herself with crying. She cries for Gideon's son, for his surrogate children on the team who she knows will try too hard to be strong. She cries because she hadn't thought of Gideon recently. Because she probably never would have seen him again anyway.

Most of all, she cries for herself, because she misses him.


	9. Garcia and Morgan

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 9_

_ "Peace; come away: the song of woe/ Is after all an earthly song:/_

_ Peace; come away: we do him wrong/ To sing so wildly: let us go."_

*

When Morgan arrives at Garcia's house to collect her and Kevin for the funeral, his heart nearly breaks as he walks through the door.

"Baby girl, now I know you know better than that," he says sadly, and disappears without permission into Garcia's bedroom. He returns with the first accessories that he finds: a yellow necklace, a blue beret, and multicolored bangles. She stands like a mannequin as he dresses her, tears swelling in her eyes, almost prompting them to form in his own.

"You really think Gideon would have wanted you in all black?"

She hugs him in response.


	10. Hotch and Gideon

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: don't fret about the timeline. All will be explained.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 10_

"_How many a father have I seen,/ A sober man, among his boys,/_

_Whose youth was full of foolish noise,/ Who wears his manhood hale and green"_

_*_

"Gideon?"

Gideon looked up from his file. Aaron had knocked before entering, but hadn't waited to be answered. The young man's hair was uncharacteristically out of order. Gideon took off his glasses.

"What's going on?"

"You're the first I'm telling. Please understand that this isn't public knowledge yet."

"Understood."

And the grin, so valiantly controlled until then, broke out across Aaron's face. "Haley's pregnant!" His voice was full of laughter and wonder. Without preamble, he rounded the desk and embraced his superior. Smiling, Gideon hugged him back. Aaron was trembling with excitement; Gideon patted his shoulder.

"Congratulations, son," he whispered.

*Note: as a rule I'm not an author who begs for reviews. But they do make me happy. And honestly guys, if you like this story enough to add it to Story Alert (or especially favorite it!), then you like it enough to drop a quick one. That said, thanks to all the reviewers and readers!


	11. Elle

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 11_

_ "My blood an even tenor kept,/ Till on mine ear this message falls,/_

_ That in Vienna's fatal walls/ God's finger touch'd him, and he slept."_

_ *_

Guilt pinches at Elle's stomach as she depresses the '7' on her cell. ("Message erased," the voice announces in its clipped, almost British tones.) Her time with the BAU is not an era of her life that she cares to revisit, and her former teammates are pretty damn high on her list of people she doesn't feel like seeing.

Still, Jason Gideon was a decent guy. She should probably go.

"Nah," she says aloud. "Where's the fun in talking about how you're dead, Gideon?" She twists the cap off a beer.

"Let's talk about the part where you were alive."


	12. Reid II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_12_

"_Half-grown as yet, a child, and vain--/ She cannot fight the fear of death./_

_What is she, cut from love and faith,/ But some wild Pallas from the brain"_

_*_

"Doctor Winters, Ingham Regional?"

"Speaking."

"Spencer Reid, FBI. You conducted the autopsy on Jason Gideon last week?"

"I'll check."

"Our information was secondhand. COD's aneurism, but we have no details."

Papers rustle. "It was cerebral."

"Type?"

"Saccular."

"Hypertensive?"

"On quinapril. Sorry, Agent-- I'm busy. Why's the FBI care?"

Spencer's breath catches. "We worked together."

"Ah. If it's any consolation, it happened quickly. He would've had just a headache a little while before."

_Just a headache_, Spencer thinks derisively. _An incomprehensibly excruciating headache_.

"Thanks for your time."

"Sorry for your loss."

_Click_.

"That didn't help," Spencer mumbles, briefly closing his eyes.


	13. Morgan II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 13_

"_Come, Time, and teach me, many years,/ I do not suffer in a dream;/_

_For now so strange do these things seem,/ Mine eyes have leisure for their tears"_

_*_

Morgan waits for a case, then he waits for it to end. It doesn't seem right to break down immediately. He's got to do something productive first to justify the time it will take.

They finally catch the unsub about two weeks after Gideon's funeral. Morgan stumbles to his office, almost trembling with relief. He thinks about finding Garcia, or Prentiss, or even Reid to come and sit with him, but honestly he doesn't need anyone, just needs a second alone, with his own mind and his own grief.

Morgan leaves the lights off. Hunched over his desk, he weeps.


	14. Hotch and Gideon II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 14_

"_That loss is common would not make/ My own less bitter, rather more:_

_Too common! Never morning wore/ To evening, but some heart did break."_

_*_

"Gideon?"

Gideon looked up from his file. Aaron had knocked before entering, but hadn't waited to be answered. The young man's hair was uncharacteristically out of order. Gideon took off his glasses.

"What's wrong?"

"I didn't know who else to tell."

"You can tell me anything."

And the tears, so valiantly controlled until then, spilled out onto Aaron's face. "Haley miscarried." His voice was choked and barely audible. Without hesitation, Gideon rounded the desk and embraced his agent. Sobbing, Aaron hugged him back. Desperate to comfort, Gideon slowly rubbed Aaron's trembling shoulders.

But there was nothing for him to say.


	15. Reid and Garcia

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 15_

"_He thrids the labyrinth of the mind/ He reads the secret of the star,/_

_He seems so near and yet so far,/ He looks so cold: she thinks him kind." _

_*_

Her youngest brother waited five days to cry; Penelope thinks of him when she looks at Reid. He doesn't cry at the funeral. She's never felt so helpless.

She tries to shake it out of him, but it's all in vain. He throws himself into the cases, ignores her when she pulls him aside. Eventually, she gives up.

It's been weeks when he finally sinks into her guest seat, setting his crutches aside. She strokes his hair patiently, waiting for his tears to run their course; when they finally end, Reid's slumped over her desk, very nearly asleep.

Garcia smiles.


	16. Prentiss

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 16_

"_Strong Son of God, immortal Love,/ Whom we, that have not seen thy face,/_

_By faith, and faith alone, embrace,/ Believing where we cannot prove;"_

_*_

Prentiss shivers as she looks around. Garcia has one hand in Morgan's and the other in Kevin's; JJ and Will aren't touching, but their bodies are angled together. Rossi and Hotch look like statues, side-by-side with crossed arms; Reid is a little apart from everyone else, staring dead-eyed at the grave.

It's ironic, she thinks: so many of them grew up with absent fathers; so many of them depended on this one man for that missing paternal support. And he abandoned them all-- twice-- but they still came. Curious.

The wind blows. She fastens the top button of her coat.


	17. Rossi and Gideon

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 17_

"_So find I every pleasant spot/ in which we two were wont to meet,/_

_The field, the chamber and the street/ For all is dark where thou art not."_

_*_

"Papers come today?"

Dave nodded.

"Mind if I sit?"

Dave shook his head.

"You okay?"

Dave shrugged. "Howdjou know I'd be here?" he asked hoarsely. Jason smiled.

"You wanna be miserable. You don't wanna be found. It's your least favorite bar."

"You _profiled_ me. Whaddabout our deal?"

"Profiled that you wouldn't mind me breaking it tonight."

Dave laughed. "Touché."

Gideon sighed. "Let's get you outta here."

"'kay."

The room spun as he walked; Dave stifled his pride and flung an arm around Jason's shoulder.

"You'll find someone else," Jason promised.

Dave just closed his eyes and let his friend steer.


	18. Reid and Garcia II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 18_

"_Something it is which thou hast lost,/ Some pleasure from thine early years./_

_Break, though deep vase of chilling tears,/ That grief hath shaken into frost!"_

_*_

Reid doesn't know why it finally hits him. The day begins normally. Then, in the bathroom, he glimpses his appearance in the mirror; it occurs to him how awful he looks. He remembers Gideon chiding him to get more sleep.

He thinks: _I'm going to cry_.

Reid makes his way clumsily to Garcia's office and collapses wordlessly into her chair. Instantly, the tears begin to fall; her warm fingers brush through his hair as they do.

He bows his head and bawls until his lips tingle and his stomach cramps, not withholding a single sob.

Garcia doesn't seem to mind.


	19. Hotch and Prentiss

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_19_

"_My heart, tho' widow'd, may not rest/ Quite in the love of what is gone,/_

_But seeks to beat in time with one/ That warms another living breast."_

_*_

Prentiss doesn't give him a say in the matter; she corners him-- literally-- and refuses to budge. It's late, and he'd thought he was alone in the office. He shakes his head and tries to dodge her.

But Prentiss is stubborn, and her arms slip around his waist. Hotch struggles for a moment then finally lets her have her way. He pats her back and waits for her to let go.

She stays far too long. By the time she leaves there's something scream-like rising in his throat, feral and unknowable.

He holds his breath until the door finally shuts.

*Hey, throw me a review bone? I'm in an awful fight with my best friend and am honestly not sure we're making up from it this time. Every little smile helps :)


	20. JJ

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 20_

"_I sing to him that rests below,/ And, since the grasses round me wave,/_

_I take the grasses of the grave,/ And make them pipes whereon to blow."_

_*_

There's no gravestone yet, just a patch of land that still looks recently disturbed. But the winter's coming, and she can't afford to wait; this is something she needs to do before it's too cold for Henry to be out. So she crouches down, pretends there's a marker; it doesn't matter, anyway. A gravestone wouldn't be any more _Gideon_ than the dirt is.

"Hey there," she says quietly. "I'm sorry I never did this while I had the chance. It's just that… I don't know. Anyway, I wanted to introduce you now. Jason Gideon, this is my son, Henry LaMontagne."


	21. Rossi II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: thank you for all the reviews! They're awesome; keep 'em coming :D

I have to say also that I'm kind of proud of this chapter, and in fact all the Rossi chapters, because prior to this fic I didn't like him very much. But I forced myself to include all the characters, and I actually think that I understand him and like him much more now. Go me!

_Our Father's Dust_

_21_

"_Fort this alone on Death I wreak/ The wrath that garners in my heart;/_

_He put our lives so far apart/ We cannot hear each other speak."_

_*_

It's a moment of weakness-- just one short moment. As a rule, Dave's seen enough murdered corpses that he tries not to mourn for those who went uneventfully. But… in _two years_. Emma. Jason.

It's too much.

Something shatters as he sweeps the contents of his desk to the floor in one violent motion. A mug and a picture frame: memories. Good. Let them break.

He's furious-- so mad he can't stay standing, can't help falling to his knees. Just a moment of weakness. It won't last long.

For now, though: Dave presses his hands to his eyes, and weeps.


	22. Garcia and Kevin

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_22_

"_Ring out, wild bells, to the wild sky,/ The flying cloud, the frosty light:/_

_The year is dying in the night;/ Ring out, wild bells, and let him die."_

_*_

Kevin doesn't know what to do with his girlfriend, who's been crying in his lap for almost an hour now. He's never been good with tears, especially pretty girls' tears, and honestly the fact that Pen is the love of his life and he still can't help her makes him even more nervous.

"Do you want something to drink?" he asks quietly.

Nothing.

"Want a blanket?"

Nothing.

"What happened? Was he sick?"

Silence.

Then: "tell me about him, Penny. I wanna know."

She lifts her head.

"He was a big, annoying jerk," Pen sniffs, a gentle smile on her lips.


	23. Reid and Gideon

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 23_

_ "Regret is dead, but love is more/ Than in the summers that are flown,/_

_ For I myself with these have grown/ To something greater than before;"_

*

It was his fourth time on the plane, but the first time that he hadn't been working or sleeping for the flight's duration, and Reid wasn't sure what to do. Everyone else was occupied, leaving him, as always, alone. He sighed, glancing listlessly out the window. Then the chess board clattered onto the table in front of him.

"You play," Gideon said. It wasn't a question. Reid nodded, stunned.

"To be good at this job you have to deal well with stress, and boredom. I never liked boredom."

Reid stared at him curiously. Gideon's eyebrows rose. "Your move," he prompted.


	24. Morgan and Hotch

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 24_

_ "O father, wheresoe'er though be,/ Who pledgest now thy gallant son;/_

_ A shot, ere half thy draught be done,/ Hath still'd the life that beat from thee."_

_ *_

"D'you think it's strange?"

"Hm?"

"Do you think it's strange how much we're all missing Gideon?" Morgan clarifies. "He's been gone for years. But we're acting like we saw him last week. That weird to you?"

Hotch pauses. "Honestly," he says softly. "I think it makes perfect sense." He returns to his work.

And, looking, Morgan suddenly sees Hotch as a child-- the son of a father with no time or compassion. His mind flips in succession to Reid, then to Garcia, then finally to himself.

Abusive. Abandoning. Dead. Dead.

Morgan exhales in surprise. Maybe it makes sense after all.


	25. Reid III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 25_

_ "Descend, and touch, and enter; hear/ The wish too strong for words to name;/_

_ That in this blindness of the frame/ My Ghost may feel that thine is near."_

_ *_

The report prints out illegibly light-- that's what you get for trying to use every last drop of ink, Reid thinks. Oh well. He crumples the first page into a tight ball and turns to lob it at Morgan's head.

He stops his chair mid-spin. Right. Morgan doesn't sit there anymore.

Reid drops the ball into the empty wastebasket, where it makes a hollow plunking sound. He tries to ignore his stomach as it gives a sad little twist, and heads to the supply cabinet for more ink.

You'd think he'd be used to this by now, this… _missing_ people.


	26. Rossi and Gideon II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: This is going to continue pretty much seperate from the 100th ep, and will not focus on what happened in that ep, although those events may overshadow it. I'm kind of sad because I've had the last drabble of this set written for almost a month and 100 went and blew it out of the water :(

_Our Father's Dust_

_26_

"_I climb the hill: from end to end/ Of all the landscape underneath,/_

_I find no place that does not breathe/ Some gracious memory of my friend;"_

_*_

"Emma died."

"On my way."

Five words, and the next day Jason was on his doorstep with eyes of a man who'd driven all night. They didn't talk about how they hadn't spoken in months, or visited in years. "Thanks for coming," was all Dave said.

"Of course."

Dave collapsed on the couch; Jason sat calmly beside him. "You didn't go the funeral."

"You know I couldn't have. Where were you when I called?"

"Maine."

"Any particular reason?"

"I wanted lobster."

It wasn't funny, but Dave burst out laughing nevertheless. Jason smiled sadly and laid a hand on his back.


	27. Hotch and Reid

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 27_

_ "Yet less of sorrow lives in me/ For days of happy commune dead;/_

_ Less yearning for the friendship fled,/ Than some strong bond which is to be."_

_ *_

Hotch has been avoiding Reid: not nice, but true. Gideon stood in for absent fathers in both their lives, and Hotch worries over what would happen if their respective pains coincided. Worries that with Reid he might not be able to reign in his grief. That, he cannot afford.

But Reid grows more distant, and no one else does anything. _So man up_, Hotch orders himself.

Reid comes to his office at his request.

"Hotch?"

"Reid. I wanted to see… how you were doing."

"Fine."

"Y'know… you can talk to me."

Reid smiles tiredly. "Yeah. Thanks, Hotch."

He's not convinced.


	28. Prentiss and JJ

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 28_

"_Our father's dust is left alone/ And silent under other snows:/_

_There in due time the woodbine blows/ The violet comes, but we are gone."_

Gideon's file sits with dozens of others in a ridiculously cob-webby room. _The FBI_, Prentiss thinks snidely, _should keep better account of its storage facilities_.

She doesn't know much about the man she worked with for only a few months, but the others are acting like they lost their father. Prentiss feels she owes it to them, and Gideon, to at least read Gideon's file.

She jumps when JJ enters the room, feeling sheepish for reasons she doesn't understand. JJ shakes her head.

"That folder's not going to tell you who he was, Em." She smiles. "Let's get a drink."


	29. Hotch II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: thanks to Kris for the help with Gideon's birthdate!

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 29_

_ "The mystic glory swims away;/ From off my bed the moonlight dies:/_

_ And closing eaves of wearied eyes/ I sleep till dusk is dipt in gray:"_

Aaron counts the tears as they drop onto the cemetery dirt, but they don't feel like his own. He doesn't deny that he's crying, but it doesn't bring him any comfort. Each that falls just leaves him one teardrop emptier.

Frankly, it's a bit frustrating.

Aaron sniffs; his nose is running. _Somewhat undignified_, he thinks dryly.

_Jason Gideon_, the stone reads. _1952-2009_.

He closes his eyes and lets the tears fall uncounted. Let someone else keep track for once. He's far too tired for the task.

"Gideon," he murmurs. "Jason, I can't do this."

Saying it doesn't really help, either.


	30. Hotch and Reid II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 30_

_ "A warmth within the breast would melt/ The freezing reason's colder part,/_

_ And like a man in wrath the heart/ Stood up and answer'd 'I have felt.'"_

*

Reid is actually wringing his hands as he steps into the office. "I'm… having problems with Gideon's death. You are too. You said we could talk."

Hotch nods.

Reid breathes deeply. "I've been having nightmares," he admits.

"What about?"

"Standard stuff. He's dying, and I can't save him." Reid shakes his head tightly. "Gideon was like a father to me."

"I know," Hotch murmurs. "Me too."

Reid bows his head; Hotch goes to his side, tries to put a hand on his shoulder, but Reid turns. The hug is quick, clumsy, and awkward.

Hotch wishes it could have been longer.


	31. Rossi III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: I have to say I am a little weirded out that the first snow _did_ fall yesterday, and this is the drabble up for posting today.

_Our Father's Dust_

_31_

"_Sphere all your lights around, above;/ Sleep, gentle heavens, before the prow;/_

_Sleep, gentle winds, as he sleeps now,/ My friend, the brother of my love;"_

_*_

Jason, Dave knows, was as good a Jew as he is a Catholic, and that's not saying much. So he wonders, as he wanders through the cemetery, if Jason is laughing at his ritualism. Oh well. Let him.

The first snow fell yesterday. Most of it's melted, but some remains in the shade below trees. Dave kneels in the wet grass, takes the stone from his pocket, and sets it gently before the new headstone. He's pleased to see three others have done the same.

"Hey, Jason," Dave murmurs, two fat tears rolling slowly down his cheeks. "I miss you."


	32. Gideon

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_32_

"_Be near me when I fade away,/ To point the term of human strife,/_

_And on the low dark verge of life/ The twilight of eternal day."_

_*_

It was the worst headache of his life.

Gideon writhed on the bed, willing away the accompanying nausea. He moaned.

Truthfully, he'd taken to life on the road. Years of cross-country cases had left him with an itinerant mindset. He _liked_ belonging nowhere, answering to nobody. Now, though… well, pain makes everyone children. Fear makes everyone lonely.

Clenching his teeth, he retrieved his journal from the nightstand. Flipped to the pictures, and there they were: Stephen. Sarah. Dave. Spencer. Hotch. His _team_.

Tears of pain, guilt, and pride fell freely; the faces blurred until unrecognizable.

So Gideon closed his eyes.


	33. Hotch and Rossi

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 33_

_ "He saddens, all the magic light/ Dies off at once from bower and hall,/_

_ And all the place is dark, and all/ The chambers emptied of delight:"_

*

Though Dave promised himself that he wouldn't intrude, he spends half the funeral glancing sideways at Aaron to see how he's doing. He can't help waiting for something to happen-- for Aaron to react _somehow_, with grief or anger or even just confusion. He thinks about a quick embrace. He thinks about putting his hand on Aaron's arm. He wonders just how badly his friend needs somebody right now, and just what lengths he'll go to to avoid admitting that.

_Oh well_, Dave finally decides. _Aaron's a big boy._

He can ask for comfort himself if he really wants it.


	34. Garcia

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 34_

"_Which weep the comrade of my choice,/ An awful thought, a life removed,/_

_The human-hearted man I loved,/ A Spirit, not a breathing voice."_

Garcia grinned widely at the box in her hands. It wasn't the mp3 player that had suddenly made her sufferings worth it; it was Gideon's acknowledgement of her annoyance. She unfolded the note, expecting it to say as much. It didn't.

_Took the liberty_, was all it read.

Frowning with curiosity, she plugged the device into her laptop. The music player opened, and Garcia burst out laughing.

In addition to being the proud owner of an mp3 player, Garcia was now the proud owner of over a hundred Harry Chapin songs.

"Oh, sir," she sighed. "You are such a dork."


	35. Hotch and Reid III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 35_

_ "One writes, that 'Other friends remain,'/ That 'Loss is common to the race'--/_

_ And common is the commonplace,/ And vacant chaff well meant for grain."_

_ *_

Hotch moves to him when he lowers his head. At the opportunity, Reid's no longer thinking straight; he's hugging his former superior before he can stop himself.

It's strange, like hugging a statue; though Hotch's arms embrace him back, his body is stiff and solid. And Reid knows that he himself is all bendy limbs and awkwardness, would possibly fall if Hotch stopped supporting him suddenly.

But it feels so nice to be held, and Hotch rubs his back when he puts his forehead on Hotch's shoulder. Suddenly, he understands that he's cared for.

Reid wishes he could've stayed longer.


	36. Prentiss II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: Hey guys! For whatever reason that last chapter got a bunch of reviews, and it reminded me that I was overdue to give a HUGE THANK YOU to all my r&r'ers. You guys make my day! Especially during these last few weeks of the semester when everything else is super stressful :)

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 36_

_ "That dies not, but endures with pain,/ And slowly forms the firmer mind,/_

_ Treasuring the look it cannot find,/ The words that are not heard again."_

*

"There aren't any pictures of us with Gideon," Prentiss muses. JJ looks up from her coffee.

"We're close, Em, but we don't exactly take Christmas photos."

"I want one of us now," she says plainly. "So I'll have it in forty years when someone dies."

JJ shrugs. Prentiss smirks. "Guys," she calls; Reid, Garcia and Rossi, making their coffee nearby, turn. "Go get Hotch and Morgan. I'm collecting on my belated birthday present."

They humor her, posing around the break room table, waiting for the auto-timer. It's an awful, awkward picture. Reid blinked. Hotch grimaced.

She prints a dozen copies.


	37. Morgan and Reid

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_37_

"_But I remain'd, whose hopes were dim,/ Whose life, whose thoughts were little worth,/_

_To wander on a darken'd earth,/ Where all things round me breathed of him."_

_*_

Every breath breaks painfully; Reid's twitching so hard that Morgan puts a hand on his back. Reid swats it away.

"Please… get off," he pants.

"You're having a panic attack."

"I know." He's braced with his hands against the wall.

"Sit down before you fall down," Morgan orders. Reid shakes his head.

So Morgan pulls them both to the floor. Reid slumps forward, breaking instantly into tears.

A little awkwardly, Morgan slings an arm around Reid's shoulders and pulls him closer.

"Sorry," Reid gasps.

"'sokay, kid," Morgan promises, squeezing his arm. "Ohhkay."

He says nothing else, just lets Reid cry.


	38. JJ II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: Anyone remember me? I'm SO sorry for the lack of updates! Real life, you understand, it shits on you sometimes. Thank you to all of my readers and reviewers! You guys really make my day, and I hope you all enjoy the next few drabbles!

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 38_

"_His credit thus shall set me free;/ And, influence-rich to soothe and save,/_

_Unused example from the grave/ Reach out dead hands to comfort me."_

_ *_

JJ's not a religious person, so it's probably a little strange, this ritual she's taken to. Then again, maybe it makes sense; if she were a religious person, she'd have more orthodox figures to pray to than her dead ex-boss. But whether or not it makes sense-- whether or not it works-- JJ likes the way it makes her feel: confident, protected yet capable.

She spreads three folders on her desk. From the hundreds she's reviewed, they're the most urgent, but equally so. So where, to send the team? Which city to save?

"Which do I pick, Gideon?" JJ whispers.


	39. Morgan and Tamara

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_ 39_

_ "He is not here; but far away/ The noise of life begins again,/_

_ And ghastly thro' the drizzling rain/ On the bald street breaks the blank day."_

*

January begins with a bang: fireworks and champagne which mark the first year on Earth that Derek will see but Gideon won't. It's 3 before he and Tamara finally fall asleep, but something causes him to awake a few hours later, compels him to go outside and watch the sun rise. A cold mist is falling, but he can see the pale peach of the sky behind the clouds.

A blanket falls around his shoulders. "Baby," Tamara whispers. "Everything okay?"

Derek takes the view in for another moment, then turns and gives her a smile. "Yeah," he promises. "Everything's fine."


	40. Reid IV

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: Well, it wasn't really my intention to continue with this. Although it's not a story that needs a definite end, I felt that leaving it with Morgan and Tamara worked well. Then, a few days ago I lost my uncle, and I just felt like all of a sudden I had more to say. I might even incorporate the events of 6.18, Lauren, but I'm not sure yet. I'm not continuing this for the fandom so much as I am for myself, to be honest with you.

_Our Father's Dust_

_40_

"_And whether trust in things above/ Be dimm'd of sorrow, or sutain'd;/_

_And whether love for him have drain'd/ My capabilities of love;"_

"Hey, Gideon. Morgan said I should… it would be a good idea for me to tell you… what's going on. I dunno what there is to tell. You left, again. The first time, I thought you'd come back, but then… you never did. You didn't even call. And now… you're dead. So. No more chances for that. Um. Sorry. I just… sorry. Gideon, I really, really needed you, and… I still do. So where… where'd you go? You said… you'd be there for me. And you weren't. And I'm… I'm really mad. I needed you. Why'd you go? Please, Gideon…."


	41. Garcia II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: this picture was taken in chapter 36, written and posted long before 6.18.

_Our Father's Dust_

_41_

_"O life as futile, then, as frail!/O for thy voice to soothe and bless!  
What hope of answer, or redress?/ Behind the veil, behind the veil."_

Penelope remembers taking this picture: their minds still half-clouded with grief for Gideon, posing in the break room, remembering how to smile. Her hair is still bright blonde, and she's neglected to put her coffee down; it's visible in the photo, not entirely concealed by Reid's gawky elbow. Emily, standing in the center, looks inordinately pleased with herself.

Thank God she has the digital file. Her tears are making the ink run.

"You said you wanted it for when the next one of us died," Penelope sobs, speaking to Emily's tiny, smiling face. "_But you said forty years from now_."


	42. Morgan and Reid II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_42_

"_Who ploughs with pain his native lea/ And reaps the labour of his hands,/_

_Or in the furrow musing stands; 'Does my old friend remember me?'"_

It's been a while since he's really _looked_ at Reid, and now Morgan doesn't like what he's seeing. The kid's never been the type to exude dominance, or even stability, but now he looks downright fragile, like his eyes are always just one wrong move away from filling up.

Reid is leaning in his doorway, trying to look casual. He's failing miserably. "Wanna go for a drink?" His voice is steady but his eyes are pleading. "Haven't in a while."

Morgan stands, stretches, grabs his coat. "Sounds good, Reid," he says lightly.

But the truth is, it sounds _really_ good.


	43. Rossi and Seaver

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_43_

"_My pulses therefore beat again/ For other friends that once I met;/_

_Nor can it suit me to forget/ The mighty hopes that make us men."_

She slips her hand inside of his, feels the roughness as his thumb brushes slowly down from her wrist. She can remember, so many years ago, feeling those callused fingers for the first time.

David Rossi, she knows, is used to saving people. But they're standing where they are today because he doesn't always pull it off.

He recites the prayers like he knows them by heart; Ashley stumbles like a child.

"Are you very religious?"

Rossi smiles. "I'm very used to funerals."

Then his hand disappears, and she's watching his black suit wind carefully through the forest of tombstones.


	44. JJ and Will II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_44_

"_I sometimes hold it half a sin/ To put in words the grief I feel;  
For words, like Nature, half reveal/ And half conceal the Soul within."_

She has Emily's funeral program in one hand, Gideon's in the other.

The mattress dips as Will sits beside her. "Sometimes we think we're getting over something," he murmurs, running his fingers over Gideon's picture, then Emily's. "Then something else happens, and we realize we're not."

JJ knows that Will is no stranger to grieving. Sometimes at night, especially if it's raining, he still curls up against her and cries for his father. But Will doesn't know everything.

She wraps her arms around his neck, hides her face in his hair.

"I wish I could tell you," she mouths, silently.


	45. Hotch III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: Does Hotch know the truth? I am _not_ sure.

_Our Father's Dust_

_45_

"_Whatever way my days decline,/ I felt and feel, tho' left along,/_

_His being working in mine own,/ The footsteps of his life in mine;"_

Aaron removes the dead bouquet from Gideon's tombstone; the shriveled stems crunch between his fingers. He has neglected to bring a replacement. He stands.

"I know I haven't come in a while," he admits, not looking down. "There's been a lot to do since Haley died. Even more than usual."

He sighs, but isn't crying. Sometimes it feels like he's forgotten how to.

"Emily's gone," he continues. "I wanted to tell you. And I wanted to ask you… Gideon..."

Finally he crouches down, face-to-face with the epitaph, one hand on the stone for balance. "Keep an eye out for her."


	46. Prentiss III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_46_

"_Not all regret: the face will shine/ Upon me, while I muse alone;_

_And that dead voice, I once have known/ Still speak to me of me and mine"_

Emily remembers taking this picture: still off-balance from the loss of a man she'd barely known, pulling the others away from their morning routines to gather around the auto-timer. A terrible shot in which nobody seems sure how widely to smile. Still, she remembers the safety of that moment, surrounded by people who cared for her.

_So we'll have it when someone else dies, forty years from now_, she'd said. And everybody knew it was a lie. Just how much of one, though, she's only just realized.

The photo slips back into her jacket pocket. She's doing the right thing.


	47. Morgan and Reid III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_47_

"_And is it that the haze of grief/ Makes former gladness loom so great?  
The lowness of the present state,/ That sets the past in this relief?"_

Reid drinks more than he used to. Morgan files that away for future contemplation.

They talk about Tamara, and Reid's mother, who's on new medication. It takes a while for Reid to stop hedging.

"I feel like everyone else is moving on faster than I am," he finally sighs.

"Reid, you can't measure yourself against other people when it comes to grief."

"Yeah. But now… Emily's gone. And I'm not even okay with Gideon yet."

Reid's face crumples. Morgan puts a hand on his arm. "I know, kid," he murmurs. "This whole damn world needs to spin a little slower."


	48. Reid V

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_48_

"_When in the down I sink my head,/ Sleep, Death's twin-brother, times my breath;_

_Sleep, Death's twin-brother, knows not Death,/ Nor can I dream of thee as dead:"_

The pain is bad; he lies awake, remembering. Part of him, it seems, will always be in that moment anyway: sobbing tearlessly into JJ's shoulder, too stunned to properly cry. And she is- was?- is?- so warm that Spencer almost feels he may fall asleep. Almost.

Then she's with Hotch, and he looks around the room and sees Morgan and Garcia, Rossi and Seaver. His own arms are empty.

Maybe, if he can fall asleep, he can get back to a time when he wasn't the odd man out. But Spencer knows he'd have to go back pretty damn far.


	49. JJ III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: refers back to chapter 28.

_Our Father's Dust_

_49_

"_My own dim life should teach me this,/ That life shall live for evermore,  
Else earth is darkness at the core,/ And dust and ashes all that is;"_

The calendar says winter, but JJ smells spring; the wind plays with her hair like an eager child. Sipping her coffee she realizes, as she often does, that she doesn't actually like the taste of it.

Years ago- has it really been that long?- she had scolded Emily for reducing a man to a stack of papers, for seeking Jason Gideon in a dusty file. Now JJ herself has done the same to Emily: boiled her down to a folder of faked documents. Nothing left of her but a lie, and a handful of broken hearts.

And no backwards glance.


	50. Morgan and Reid IV

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_50_

"_Yet oft when sundown skirts the moor/ An inner trouble I behold,  
A spectral doubt which makes me cold,/ That I shall be thy mate no more,"_

He doesn't mean to. God help him, he doesn't. Reid has enough to worry about on a good day- and this isn't a good day- without a heaping helping of Derek Morgan's personal shit. Bad enough that he drinks too much to drive them home. Bad enough that they're FBI agents sharing a vomit-reeking cab at two in the morning.

But Derek looks at his hands and can't stop himself from seeing blood; can't stop himself from moaning Emily's name. There is terror in Reid's eyes as he grabs his friend's knee and squeezes.

Then, without warning, Derek is crying.


	51. Hotch and Rossi II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

Note: So weird to think that I didn't originally like Rossi. Love him now. Especially when interacting with Hotch.

_Our Father's Dust_

_51_

_"If not so fresh, with love as true,/ I, clasping brother-hands, aver/  
I could not, if I would, transfer/ The whole I felt for him to you."_

Hotch feels seasick, and picking his way across the floor of the hospital waiting room is a challenge of both fortitude and balance. He sinks into the chair next to Rossi and lays a hand on his arm, trying not to look at the tears falling freely. He's never seen Dave cry before. Hotch feels utterly useless.

Dave is staring dumbly at the ground, swallowing heavily, making no sound but the metronomic percussion of heel on tile. _Jason would know what to say right now_, Hotch thinks unhappily.

Funny how years later he still feels like he's playing dress-up sometimes.


	52. JJ and Reid

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_52_

"_Be near me when my light is low,/ When the blood creeps, and the nerves prick/_

_And tingle; and the heart is sick,/ And all the wheels of Being slow."_

Déjà-vu clenches greedily at JJ's chest as she leads Spencer to her car and sets off in the direction of his apartment. She has to pull over for him to vomit. He spends the rest of the drive apologizing.

In front of his door she turns to say goodnight, but different words come out instead.

"Spence, do you hate me?"

Spencer frowns. "Of course not. I understand."

And watching the door swing shut she remembers how much she cares about him, how she promised herself that she'd be the one who never left.

She'd be the one who never lied.


	53. Morgan and Hotch II

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_53_

"_Than that the victor Hours should scorn/ The long result of love, and boast,/_

_`Behold the man that loved and lost,/ But all he was is overworn.'"_

"Jack asked me yesterday how many people you can miss."

Morgan looks up from his paperwork but Hotch's head stays down. His face, posture, and tone suggest small talk, and maybe for Hotch that's the only way he can say what he needs to.

Morgan tries to be equally nonchalant with his response- "What did you say?"- like it doesn't matter.

"You know. That it's like love. You can miss as many people as you need to."

"Think that's true?"

"I don't know. Sometimes I think there just isn't enough time."

"Mm-hm," Morgan agrees automatically, but it's a tough question.


	54. Team III

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

_Our Father's Dust_

_54_

_"'Twas well, indeed, when warm with wine,/ To pledge them with a kindly tear,/_

_To talk them o'er, to wish them here, / To count their memories half divine;"_

Garcia's expression is half excitement and half fear; "relax," JJ assures her. "This time I just came back to visit."

Somehow nobody has anywhere else to be, or pressing matters to attend to. The paperwork is finished miraculously early. An hour later they're occupying the entire corner booth of the closest bar.

It's been a while since they all went out together; far, far too long, actually. Some faces were here last time that aren't now. Some faces are new.

But the clink of glass on glass sounds the same as it ever did. Unexpectedly, the table doesn't feel empty.


	55. Rossi and Connie

Disclaimer: I do not own the team. Title and quotes from Tennyson's _In Memoriam_.

Summary: Mourning is never linear. Gideon's death, viewed through an ongoing series of drabbles.

I'm relatively certain that this is in fact the end of Our Father's Dust. I've said that before, and due to the nature of the fic it was easy to pick up again when I felt like. But I think I've said all I have to say in this particular format, and besides, this one is 200 words, so that's got to make it special! Thanks very sincerely to all my reviewers, and I hope you guys have enjoyed what was really my first "conceptual" story.

_Our Father's Dust_

_55_

"_And, moved thro' life of lower phase, / Result in man, be born and think, _

_And act and love, a closer link / Betwixt us and the crowning race"_

Connie has cut her hair; she's wearing a blue blouse and modest heels. Dave can't wipe the stupid grin off his face as he gathers her up in his arms. It's so nice to see someone actually doing well.

They order lunch in an open air café, and Connie says again how glad she is that he's visiting while in Indianapolis. Dave sips his water and asks her to tell him more about becoming a paralegal. He can't remember the last time everything felt so peaceful and normal and _sane_.

Then she asks how he's been, and he opens his mouth to tell her: about Jason, about Emily. About how he hasn't been sleeping well for the past few months- no, years. About how he's been trying to go to church again, but the incense and the singing and the optimism make his head hurt.

He opens his mouth to tell her everything. But then Connie smiles, and the words die away.

There's a feeling in his chest like something breaking apart, but it doesn't hurt. Instead it feels almost like something inside him has cracked its cage.

"I've been thinking of writing a fiction book," Dave admits, and laughs.


End file.
